Naruto: Story of The Hash-Slinging Slasher
by SaurusRock625
Summary: Zabuza decides to tell the story of the Hash-Slinging Slasher! What could go wrong? [Naruto U. x Female Haku] One shot


_**Here's a one shot that's all about Naruto and the Hash-Slinging Slasher! On the mission at wave, Naruto, Zabuza, and Haku all sit around a campfire just enjoying a truce, when Zabuza tells the two a scary story! FYI, Haku will be a girl in this fic, because let's face it, there's no way on heaven or earth that a boy can be that pretty! Anyways, ENJOY!**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Spongebob Squarepants!**_

"The slash-bringing hasher?" = Talking

**"The Hash-Slinging Slasher!" = Yelling**

_'I hate scary stories!' = Thinking_

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><p>"So you kids aren't scared?" Zabuza asked his apprentice and her first friend. The three ninjas were sitting at a campfire in the same clearing Haku had met Naruto. It had gotten dark out, so they built a fire and began to share stories about random stuff. Naturally, the two teens denied being scared. "Pfft! No way!" "No offense lord Zabuza, but there's no reason to be scared of the dark." Naruto and Haku replied, each roasting a marshmallow over the fire.<p>

"Well I am! And especially after... *Gulp!* Well...you know..." Zabuza said in a fake nervous voice, but it was enough to get the two's attention. "What? What do we know?" Haku asked, looking up from the s'more she was making. "You don't remember? He was all over the news!" He asked/said in mock surprise. This just wound Naruto up even more than the sugar from his s'more. "Tell us! Tell us!"

But Zabuza wouldn't tell 'em. "No, no no no! I probably shouldn't! It would ruin the camp-out for you two." Zabuza insisted before looking at them out of the corner of his eyes and smirking evilly behind his face mask of bandages. But the two teens were just too curious to heed his false warnings. The two were literally clinging to each other while bouncing up and down as if they were on jackhammers! "What happened? What happened? What happened?" They asked at the same time in excitement.

Finally, the older ninja relented. "You mean you kids don't know the story of, the... Hash-Slinging Slasher?!" This made the two stop their bouncing. "The Slash-Bringing Hasher?" Haku asked in confusion, unable to pronounce the name properly. "THE HASH-SLINGING SLASHER!" Zabuza reiterated. This time Naruto tried with the same results as Haku. "The Sash-Ringing, the Flash-Singing, The Crash-Blinging, Mash-Flinging, Ringing, the-the Dash-Dinging, duh..."

"Yes. The Hash-Slinging Slasher." Zabuza replied in a bored tone. He then switched back to his horror story teller side. "But! Most people, ninja and civilian alike, just call him the Ha-GUAGHGH! Because that's all they have time to say, before he GETS THEM!" This line made Naruto and Haku gasp in fright and cling to each other tighter! **"Tell us the story!"** Haku cried out now fearing for her life and the life of her secret crush. "Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you kids!" Zabuza said before replacing the bandages around the lower half of his face with his trusty 'storytellers beard!' He then proceeded to tell the story.

"Many years ago, Tazuna and his family's home used to be a fast food restaurant. And at that restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a fry-cook, just like either of YOU could've been. Only CLUMSIER!" At this point Naruto's pupils shrank to the size of pin holes. "Then, one night, when he was cutting the patties...it happened!" Haku decided to make some guesses while Zabuza answered them. "He forgot the secret sauce?" "No." "He didn't wash his hands?" "No!" "Irregular portions-" **"NO! **He cut off his own HAND by mistake!"

"You mean like this?" Naruto asked before taking off his left arm which grew back lickidy split! Zabuza and Haku were surprised by this, but didn't say anything. "Or like this? Or this? Or this?" Naruto asked, repeating the process with both of his arms getting the same result! How this was possible not even I know. "But what about this? Or this? Or this? Or this?-" "Except he wasn't a ninja that can somehow defy the laws of reality!" Zabuza informed him, breaking the young blonde from his rant. "So?" Naruto and Haku asked. Naruto had actually made a pile of his own arms around himself. **"So it didn't grow back!" "OH NOOOOO!"** The teens screamed in horror before Naruto's discarded arms hopped away on their own.

"And he replaced his hand, with a rusty spatula." Zabuza said, continuing his story while holding up a spatula that he pulled out from his duffel bag. "Then, he got hit by a bus! Then, at his funeral, they FIRED HIM! And now, every... What day is it?" Zabuza asked. "Tuesday." Replied Haku. "...TUESDAY NIGHT, the Hash-Slinging Slasher returns to wreak, his horrible vengeance!"

Naruto gasped and held Haku tighter. "*Gasp!* But TONIGHT'S Tuesday night!" "Then he'll be coming." "How will we know?" Haku asked. Zabuza then held up three fingers. "There are three signs that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Slasher! First, the lights will flicker on and off all on their own. Next, the phone will ring, and there will be nobody there! And if you have a cell phone, it won't show the caller I.D. on the screen!"

By this point, Naruto was biting on his nails so much, his arms were going into his mouth and down his gullet like paper down a paper shredder! "And FINALLY, the Hash-Slinging Slasher returns IN THE GHOST OF THE BUS THAT RAN HIM OVER! He then crosses the street without looking both ways...because he's already DEAD!" Now Naruto and Haku are eating Naruto's own discarded arms out of a popcorn bucket like at a movie theater they're so scared!

"He taps on the door with his grizzly spatula hand..." "No!" "He opens the door..." Zabuza then moved his arm forward while moving his arm forward slowly while at the same time making a creaky sound. He then started to move closer to the two. "He slowly... approaches... the **COUNTER!"** Haku was now on the verge of crying while Naruto felt like he was gonna wet himself. Both of them had one thought on their mind. _'This story's too scary!' _

**Zabuza: (Creepy Voice) **"And do you know what he does next?"

**Naruto: (Scared Voice) **"What?"

**Zabuza: **"You really want to know?"

**Haku: (Also Scared Voice) **"What?!"

**Zabuza: **"Are you kids SURE you want to know?"

**Naruto and Haku: (Seriously Freaked-Out Voices) "WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT DOES HE DO?!**

"He gets ya!" A water clone of Zabuza exclaims while tapping the two of them on the two on the shoulders making them scream repeatedly while Zabuza and his clone high-fived while laughing their heads off! _**(FYI, they're screaming the same way Spongebob did when Squidward told him the story.)**_

_3:00 AM_

Zabuza was having trouble falling back asleep. So he took the liberty of reading a volume of his favorite manga series Dragon Ball Z. Suddenly there was a noise that sounded like something getting stuck and unstuck over and over again, followed by a swishing sound. As quickly as it came it went away. He then heard it again, and it went away just as quickly, so Zabuza paid it no mind. He then got startled with wide eyes as it came and went quicker this time! By the fourth time he was looking around trying to find out where that sound was coming from, but he couldn't find it!

It is then revealed that Naruto is walking on the ceiling wearing plunger shoes! He was using them to stick to the roof so he could mop the ceiling! He then got Zabuza's attention by speaking directly behind him! This made Zabuza let out a yelp and drop his comic out of fright before looking at the boy! "You know Zabuza, with all of the hard work Tsunami does, there's never any time to wash the ceiling during the day! I'm just doing her a favor!" This was the scene that Haku walked in on. She was wearing a robe and was confused as to why Naruto was wearing plunges on his feet.

"Grrr, having someone keep watch all night! What a stupid idea! Who'd wanna be up at three in the morning?!" We then see Sasuke playing pokemon platinum on his Nintendo DS. "Alright, a shiny Starly!" He then proceeded to catch it! _**(Lucky dog!) **_Back at the check-in counter Zabuza continued to rant. "Just look at this place! It's like a ghost town in here!"

The lights then began to flicker. "Very funny Naruto." Zabuza said with much sarcasm. Naruto had just finished walking down the wall to the floor. "What?" He asked confused. "And 'the lights will flicker on and off' just like the story! I get it." But upon closer inspection, Zabuza saw that the light switch was next to him. "Lord Zabuza, how are you doing that without moving the switch?" Haku asked in fascination. "I'm NOT doing it! It must be the stupid, faulty wiring in this dump. This place wasn't built to run twenty four hours a day!" Zabuza said defending himself. Just then, the phone on the desk began to ring and Zabuza answered it.

"What? What? Hello." But no one answered back. "Hello? Hello?" Haku then walked upper. "Nice try lord Zabuza!" "Nice try what?" He asked putting the phone back on the receiver. "The phone will ring, and there will be NOBODY THERE! ...Ha! You crack me up!"

The swordsman began to grow worried. "Kids, I'm not doing this! Okay, okay! Think Zabuza, think! What were those signs? Let's see...there was the lights... *flickering* ...and the phone... *Briiiing!* ...and..AND THE WALLS WILL OOZE GREEN SLIME?! ...oh, wait! They always do that. But what was that third thing?" Just at that moment, they saw a bus pull up in front of the house, but it was obscured by the fog. "I didn't know buses ran this late." Naruto said. "They don't!" Zabuza replied in a fearful voice. "Well, they're dropping someone off." Haku said noticing a red eyed, hunchback figure standing at the other side of the road. The figure then held up a hand revealing...A SPATULA!

Zabuza then proceeded to scream! **"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGH! The Sash-Ringing! The-the-the Flash-Singing! The-the-the-the Pash-P-Pinging!"** "The Hash-Slinging Slasher!" Naruto and Haku said before they started crying. "At least you kids understand. We're DOOMED!" "No Zabuza. We are just so touched that you would go out of your way to dress up as a ghostly fry-cook, and stand on the other did of the road, just to entertain us! You must really be a big softie!" Naruto said while still crying.

"Naruto, there are TWO problems with your theory!" Zabuza quickly let him know as the specter began to cross the road without looking both ways first. "One, I am NOT a big softie! And two, how can that be me, when I'm standing **RIGHT HERE?!"** The ghost then tapped on the door with his spatula hand. Reality finally set in for the teens.

_Naruto and Haku: _**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH!"**

_All three: "_**THE HASH-SLINGING SLASHER!"**

The ghost then opened the door and began to slowly walk towards the three panicking ninjas! "Naruto, I just want you to know that even though we started out as enemies, I've always sorta liked you!" Haku cried out in fear. "Zabuza, Sasuke used your guillotine sword to unclog his toilet!" "Wait-what?" They then resumed screaming their heads off as the ghost got closer and closer before abruptly stopping. They saw that the so-called 'Hash-Slinging Slasher' was just some random nerd!

"Can I have a job application? I brought my own spatula!" He said in a nasally voice. The top of his sleeve lowered to reveal a hand gripping said spatula. "I called earlier, but I hung up 'cause I was nervous." "Do you have references?" Haku asked. Naruto then broke the group huddle and asked a question that now plagued his mind. "Wait, wait, wait! Hold up a second! If that was YOU on the phone, and YOU on the bus...then who was flickering the lights?"

The lights then began flickering again and everyone looked to a nearby corner to see a vampire playing with the light switch!

**All: **"Nosferatu!"

**Nosferatu:** ... 8D

_The end!_

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><p><em><strong>Well that's it! The big wrap up! The happy ending! The grand finale! Like I said this story is a one shot! You know the drill, READ AND REVIEW! No flames!<strong>_


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